Within two weeks of submitting our home study and profile, I was already contacting Nightlight asking how things were going. I told you, I’m not patient! I wanted to know if anything was in the works. The Snowflakes Program Manager was working on sending out our profile. Then, on August 19th, we got the letter. We had been chosen! There was a couple who wanted US to adopt their embryos! We were thrilled.
There were 3 precious embryos waiting for us to adopt. Honestly, at first I was hesitant because I had been hoping for a large number of embryos. But in talking to Rodney, who is amazing during huge eventful times like these, I came to see that these three embryos were just as precious and important as a group of 10 or 12 embryos. They needed a home, and we had a home to give. And so we said YES!! We were beyond excited. Within about 5 months from starting with Nightlight, we were matched!
Everything was signed and the embryos were shipped to us in October. I started all of the medications, shots, etc, to prepare my body for the transfer of our embryos. We chose to transfer 2 of the embryos and have one remaining for a transfer at another time. As time went on, I think we both felt sure this would work and we would soon be pregnant with twins.
Our transfer was November 13th, 2009. Everything went perfectly and the embryos were beautiful. We didn’t tell anyone the day we had the transfer, and then gave my family pictures of the embryos the next day. Everyone was so excited and sure right along with us that we were going to remain pregnant and have little ones with us in 9 months.
I started pregnancy testing pretty early, and saw negative test after negative test. By the time the day finally came for my testing at the clinic, I knew what the results would be. I had taken the day off of work and was wandering around the mall when I got the call. Our babies were gone.
I drove in a state of numbness to my husband’s work and shut the door to his office. And I lost it. He held me and comforted me and was the strong man he always is in times like these. We drove to my parents to tell them. And we both cried. We went home, comforted each other and pigged out on pizza and root beer floats.
We just didn’t understand why our babies didn’t make it. Just a month before, I had lost my grandpa to Alzheimer’s, and this time of grief losing both my grandpa and my babies was too much too bear. I kept asking why…I went through times of anger, calm, sadness, peace. It was a time of grief I had never known before. Rodney grieved with me and was a constant support.
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